Time to take a break from all the campaigning and planning, and consider something a bit more light-hearted. Ever wondered how you would actually fit in if you were in the world of the 18th Century? Find out now, with my highly scientific test below!
1 You have a noisy neighbour, and the sound from next door is disturbing your sleep. Do you:
a) Ignore it – you were young once, too.
b) Wait until the next day and perhaps have a quiet word, to smooth things out. If unsuccessful, consider him to be "slightly less than a gentleman".
c) Fire a pistol through his window to let the bounder know what you think of him!
2 You decide to run for office in a political campaign. Do you:
a) Join a party, begin networking, take part in debates.
b) Stick up some bunting in the local market, stand on a box and harangue the great unwashed about repealing the corn laws.
c) Get your massively rich uncle to buy you a seat in parliament, and evict anybody that dares to vote otherwise.
3 You’re going abroad to India. What’s the cause?
a) A lovely holiday – beach, sun, sand, plus a bit of a new culture.
b) Business – I’m constructing a new railway up to the polo club!
c) Killing Frenchmen.
4 What do you think of classical music by Mozart, Bach, etc?
a) All a bit high-brow – this elitist stuff is not really for you.
b) You mean there’s another kind? (Besides music-hall, obviously...)
c) All a bit low-brow – this populist stuff is not really for you.
5 You’re packing for a trip. This consists of:
a) A small rucksack or suitcase, spare shirts, toothbrush.
b) Big steamer trunk full of silverware, Madiera and moustache-wax.
c) Carriages, tents, tableware, a wine cellar, horses, two carriages, three footmen, 325 changes of wig and just a few armchairs – you’re travelling light, so just a few tons.
6 Your boss tells you that you’re not getting a hoped-for promotion. How do you react?
a) Disappointed, maybe ask your boss for some constructive feedback on your professional development.
b) Annoyed, start rumours against him at the gentleman’s club, and begin calling in favours from your network of friends.
c) Call him a rogue and a scoundrel, slap him in the face with your glove and demand satisfaction. Run him through with a sword next morning, on the decorative lawn in front of the office entrance. Explain to the police you had no choice.
7 You see a brand new piece of technology which impresses you. Is it:
a) A shiny new electronic gizmo, about the size of your hand.
b) A shiny steam-powered brass-and-iron contraption, about the size of your house.
c) A non-shiny wooden machine, about the size of a palace, which allows about a hundred serfs to weave fractionally faster than if you had to stand there beating them.
8 What do you think of America?
a) One of the top countries in existence – I even thought of moving there!
b) Full of buffalo and savages – perhaps some promise for them though if they rejoin the Empire, by jingo!
c) Not worth the bones of a single grenadier – those colonials will never amount to anything!
9 You’re decorating a room. The result:
a) Trip to a DIY store, paint samplers, and a weekend up a ladder with a paintbrush.
b) Dusted by the household staff, plus given the odd clean by sending some 8-year-old boy up the chimney.
c) Outrageously-decorated wallpaper, statues, busts, ornamental picture-frames, etc. No surface knowingly left uncluttered with ornamentation.
10 Describe your ideal romantic relationship.
a) Meet a girl, settle down, get married, perhaps raise a family.
b) Marry a frigid lady you’ve spoken to on at least two occasions, live in a different continent from her for several years on official business, have your children sent to boarding-school as soon as they turn 6.
c) Have about a dozen affairs, generally hoping you’re outpacing the wife. Father about 14 children, hoping at least one will survive into adulthood. Die of syphilis.
11 You decide to have a quiet night in. This is:
a) On the sofa, watching TV, maybe a DVD Boxed Set.
b) In your study, wearing a smoking jacket, taking the odd shot of opium.
c) About 15 friends, vast amounts of wine, plus gambling until about four in the morning or until everyone’s dead.
Check your answers!
a) Oh dear, not very 18th Century.
b) Nope – still not 18th Century. In fact, actually rather 19th Century. Do you do colonial gaming?
c) Outrageously 18th Century! Well done!